


epitaph

by Archadco



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Hunk is mentioned, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Sexual Content, Shiro is mentioned, Suicidal Keith (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, hypersexual keith, its very ooc and dumb and stupid but i needed to get this out, klance isn't the main theme here, some descriptions of the non-con stuff, this is just me projecting my traumas onto keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 21:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17856995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archadco/pseuds/Archadco
Summary: Keith didn’t get out of bed.He didn’t care.He felt like his mind had melted inside his head, eyes burning as he stared at his phone screen for hours on end.





	epitaph

**Author's Note:**

> this... is just me projecting my traumas onto keith. super ooc. be warned
> 
> is triggerin' 
> 
> except like. he has a boyfriend and people who care about him.
> 
> yeah, i dont. 
> 
> anyways. everything in italics is some sort of flashback.
> 
> lol

Keith didn’t get out of bed.

He didn’t care. 

He felt like his mind had melted inside his head, eyes burning as he stared at his phone screen for hours on end. 

He was tired of having to force his body to produce dopamine to even get out of bed. 

It never made him feel good, though. It just reminded him of everything that happened -

Oh god. 

Keith’s blank eyes looked forward, the scenes replaying in his mind. 

***  
_  
“I don’t want to do anything in public,” he whispered, shaking from the nervousness. Why did he think this was a good idea?_

_The older man, who lied about his age, reached over to tuck his hand inside Keith’s sweatpants. Oh god, oh god, oh god. It’s not like Keith could say anything. He wasn’t driving. He didn't have a car. They were so far from campus. He had no money. No way to get back to his dorm. He let out soft moans, getting hard, tears building up behind his eyes. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting._  
  
***  
__  
“I… I’m not… I don’t want to do this if you aren’t going to use a condom,” Keith whispered, now in a hotel, back flat against the bed.

_“It’ll be fine. I won’t cum in you if that’s the problem.”_

_“N-no, I don’t want…” The man went forward anyways, making Keith’s back arch, a moan leave his lips._

_Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. ‘I want to go home, please just let me go home, I want to go home… I want to go home…’ he thought to himself. He couldn’t tell the man to stop. No money to get home. He couldn’t tell Shiro. Please, please stop. Please._  
  
***

Keith wasn’t sure how long he was replaying those two scenes in his mind. All he knew is that it was dark now. His phone was ringing. He sat up gently, looking at the name on the screen. “Pidge”. He squinted, huffing softly. He picked up the phone, gently holding it up to his ear. “Hello?” Oh wow, did he sound bad.

“Keith?”

“What?” he said, unable to stop the slight bite in the word. Why can’t he just be left to…

“You weren’t in any classes today. We just wanted to make sure everything’s alright. Are you okay? What’s wrong?” She asked. She always knew what was going on, but those words-

***  
_  
“Keith, I can’t help you. Maybe you should just call a helpline. Or press charges. But you didn’t say no, so…”_

_“I don’t know what to say. Like, you’ve been through it before and you’re fine. You shouldn’t have put yourself in that situation, I guess.”_  
  
***

“Nah, I’m alright,” he whispered, his eyes wide, tears now falling. 

“Are you sure? You never miss class.” 

“Yeah. I’m okay. Just a bit sick.” Keith sounded sick, his voice was cracking, he was sniffling. From the tears. 

“If you say so…” 

Keith really wasn’t there for the rest of the conversation. His hand fell as soon as Pidge hung up. He didn’t move. 

He couldn’t move. Until the urge hit him. Was this normal? 

This wasn’t normal.

For him, it was. 

He dryly moved his hand down and began to jerk off, huffing softly. It didn’t feel nice. It felt gross. Disgusting. He wasn’t doing it for him. He was doing it for… he doesn’t know. 

But he couldn’t… not without…

He looked up porn, porn that wasn’t good. Porn that made him feel gross inside.

But it worked. 

He came quickly after, not even moaning. Just crying. 

Keith huffed. He didn’t even care. 

He shuffled back underneath the sheets, resting his head back on his pillow, shutting his eyes and crying himself to sleep. 

\---

He didn’t get up the next day. Or the next.

Keith ignored all calls and texts that were sent to his phone. 

He jerked off twice a day. He had too. He didn’t know why, but he had too. 

It was… the third day? He couldn’t remember anymore. The table next to the bed was littered with granola bar and pop tart wrappers. 

It was all he had. 

It was the third day when someone knocked. His body froze with anxiety. Oh no, please. No. He couldn’t look at someone like this. He smelt bad. He was covered in cum. They’d judge him, ask him what was wrong, tell him to call a hotline, he didn’t want to call a hotline, he didn’t want too, he didn’t want -

More knocks. 

Keith didn’t move. He couldn’t move again. “Please just leave me to die,” he whispered, eyes squeezing shut. Who would get the burden of his student loans when he finally decided to just end it? 

The knocks went on for… so long. He couldn’t get up. They eventually left, but he still couldn’t move. Oh god. Please. 

\---

It was morning. Keith sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, looking at the state of himself. He looked… disgusting. Was it worth it to go to class? He’d be wasting so much money if he didn’t. He huffed as he finally stood up for the first time in days, making his way to his in dorm bathroom.

Keith barely managed to clean up all the… dried cum. He used shower wipes and a shit ton of dry shampoo to make himself look slightly like a normal person. The bags under his eyes were huge even though he had been doing nothing but sleeping. He huffed, dousing himself in axe, before grabbing his bag and leaving. 

The day wasn’t fun. He got so many questions from Lance, Pidge and Hunk. It was Shiro who was at his door the other day, he learned, they sent him over to check up. Keith didn’t care. He passed it off as being sick, he couldn’t get up to answer the door, everything was fine. He’s finally feeling better, yes, don’t worry about it. 

But, it happened again the next day. He woke up feeling like shit. His brain had been turned to mush and he could do nothing but stare at a phone screen, listening to his disgusting urges as they called to him. 

\---

It lasted for over a week this time. 

Multiple times people called, came to his door, asked to come in, asked if he was okay. 

He didn’t speak to them. 

He didn’t get out of bed. 

 

The only reason he did was because he ran out of granola bars, and going two days without eating was taking a toll. 

Keith barely cleaned himself up like he did the last time, walking to the nearest gas station to stock up on stacks before going back to his room.

He really didn’t expect to see Lance pounding at his door. 

He froze.

Lance looked at him, a frown and a furrowed brow.

“You have a hell of a lot to explain,” he said, stomping over, not knowing it would…

Keith cried out, flinching, dropping everything in his arms to cover his head, oh please don’t, please…

\--

When he came back, he was sitting in Lance’s lap, wrapped in blankets in bed. The other was running one of his hands gently through his disgusting hair. He was crying passively while the other was on the phone. 

“Yeah, Pidge, I don’t fucking know. It’s literally disgusting in here. He freaked the fuck out when I saw him… No, I don’t know… I haven’t talked to Shiro. I don’t think he would know though… yeah. Here, I’ll talk to you later… Of course I’ll keep you guys updated. Yeah, bye.” 

Keith shut his eyes and just rested for a bit longer. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation. He was buying time. 

“Keith, I know you’re awake.” 

He whined, hiding his face deep in the blankets. He wasn’t ready for this, he wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to just call a hotline, he didn’t want this, he didn’t want any of this-

“Shh, shh…” Lance was petting his head a bit harder now, gently rocking his cocoon of blankets. He felt like a fucking child. He couldn’t get out of bed on his own anymore, he was disgusting, so fucking disgusting. 

This lasted for awhile. Until Keith had finally calmed down and had no more tears he could let out. He felt like he was dead. He knew Lance was going to ask, so he just… poured it out. 

“I didn’t… I didn’t want it. He lied about his age and his picture w-was different but I still went with him. I feel like… it’s all I’m good for, you know. Everyone else has listened to me when I say stuff but… He didn’t. He kept going and going. I didn’t want it. I really didn't want it. I couldn’t… I couldn’t say no though. I was so scared. I told him I didn’t want it. I just wanted to go home. I wanted Shiro, but I couldn’t tell him that I’m a fucking slut. I’m so disgusting. I let him use me. I let him make me uncomfortable b-because that’s all I’m good for. An-and… My friend… they told me to just call a hotline. B-but I didn't want too. It won’t help. I didn't say no. They told me that. So I couldn’t press charges. And… you know the shit that happened when I was a kid. They told me th-that since I’ve been through it before it would be no big deal. We aren’t friends anymore. I couldn’t… couldn’t take it. I can’t get out of bed. I jerk off to disgusting porn to make myself cum and I don’t want that either. I don’t want any of it anymore. I just want to die, Lance, I really just want to be dead. I can’t do it anymore.”

There was a long time of silence. Keith had just fucked up, hadn’t he. Oh great. Now this stupid problem was pushing everyone away, even his boyfriend. He deserved it. Might as well go up to the top fucking floor of the building and jump off right now because-

“Keith. I am… I am so sorry,” Lance whispered, looking down at him with tears in his eyes. 

Keith was confused. Nobody had… responded like this before. Why did…

“Keith, I am so sorry that happened to you. It was not your fault. You said you… you told him you didn’t want it. But he kept going. You revoked consent, Keith, and I am so sorry that happened to you. You are worth so much more. You are not a slut, you aren’t disgusting, you aren’t any of those things.” 

Keith’s mind was folding itself over, looking for a response. Anxiety was climbing. This wasn’t… he was lying. There’s no way.

“And… your friend? They aren’t your fucking friend. They should have… should have helped you. Gotten you help. Even if you aren’t comfortable calling a hotline or anything like that, there are other routes to take and they should have helped you. Or shown you someone who would be. I am so sorry, Keith. I’m so sorry.” 

Keith looked forward, eyes wide, tears managing to build up even though he thought he was out. God, his fucking boyfriend. 

He was pulled up closer to Lance, being forced to look at him. He whined softly. Keith was realizing that his thought process was fucked, it would be rough to work out all this flawed thinking he had put himself into. Lance placed a few kisses on his forehead, holding him close.

“Can I ask you something, Keith?” Lance said.

“Y-yeah.”

“Is this... why you haven’t wanted to have sex with me?” 

Lance had tried multiple times to do things, but Keith always pushed him away, getting panicky, claiming he wasn’t ready yet. 

“Yeah. I-I’m scared that… He like, gave me something. I don’t want to give it to you b-but I’m too scared to go get checked. And it’s just… too much. I get flashbacks and stuff,” Keith whispered, crying softly, letting out small sniffles.

Lance nodded, finally able to understand. They had been dating for a few months, and had been curious why Keith got the way he did when they started getting…

“I understand, baby. I’m so proud of you for communicating these things. I think that… we should talk to Shiro about it too. And then… we can start getting professional help. I think it would help a lot.” 

Usually the idea of professional help would send Keith spiraling, but the gentle way Lance said it made everything a lot better. They would be doing this… together. He wouldn’t be alone anymore. 

He sat for a few moments, thinking it over. He nodded softly, letting out a whine. “Okay,” he whispered, nuzzling hard into Lance’s body. Keith was so scared, so so so scared, but he was… was tired of being scared. 

They’d get through this, together.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading ig
> 
> my twitter and tumblr are both named archadco
> 
> i'm lonely. and don't post anything. so yeah. 
> 
> idk


End file.
